As I seek to maximize the moment, I am also trying to be as authentically me as I can be – one that is ever shifting. I am not who I was even a month ago. I can feel it. Those closest to me can sense it.

“Imagination is one of the Spoils of colonization, which in many ways is claiming who gets to imagine the future for a given geography. Losing imagination is a symptom of trauma. Reclaiming the right to dream the future, strengthening the muscle to imagine together as Black people, is a revolutionary decolonizing activity.” - Adrienne Maree Brown

So I go back in time to music. It's not the music of my childhood but songs which, for some reason, engage my full self and as such quiet my mind for as long as the song/playlist lasts and the voices stop.

I offer this playlist to you to stop your voices and invite you to create your own.

In the days when we used to be in person, my prep work, besides design and listening to my playlist, included how to manage perceptions about my physical self so that what I said and did would more likely be received as intended and we could embrace the charge to which we collectively agreed.

I can’t name it yet. I wrote about not being able to cry and tweeted about my current state. I have opted to stay in the space and not try to diagnose and rush out of it but just be. Paying attention to what I notice through all the senses and to the degree to which I can, noticing my reactions and responses to things, people, and experiences.

Every single episode of season four of Queer Eye on Netflix brought me to tears. ‘I can’t write left-handed' and 'Grandma’s hands’ by Bill Withers never fails to elicit the same response. That Christmas commercial where a family or a group of kids decorate the home of the elderly single person has made me cry for decades. 

Who you are not now is not who you will become.

Your work is to find your truest joyful self and to surround yourself with those who see and love you as you are and as you may be.

People will constantly be surprised by you because in this country they believe you to be less in all things.

I can’t figure out what it is exactly but it all feels too small - the conversations, the containers, the connections- not enough, not complex enough. If I really think about it, I started feeling this last year. There is both a focus and a restlessness that coexist with the balance shifting day by day. It’s both personal and professional. 

I am a descendant of free, stolen and enslaved people. I can trace back to the 1600’s my people working, living on and eventually owning land from the territories of the Appomattoc (Westmoreland, Va) and since the 1800’s, working and living on the lands of the Minocan (Nelson Valley, VA) and the Lenape (Cayuga Valley, Ohio). I greet you today from the territories of the Coast Miwok also known as San Rafael, CA.

It is only through and in solidarity that will we transform into a country that values all lives with humanity and respect.

Professionally, I am a consultant. This means I have opinions about most everything. I also have a little experience. What drives me is to be of service, which means (to me) that I pursue/contribute to something greater than my own needs, interests, etc. I am internally motivated (like my Daddy - yes that is how I refer to him - so now you know). I have never been particularly interested in visibility or attention in any way. If you have ever tried to take a group photo with me, you know this.

As I mature (that’s how I like to refer to the passage of time), I aim to be as fully integrated and authentic as possible. It is what I owe my ancestors and others denied the right to be their full selves. In early May I shared “I find that aspects of my identity are in conflict. I don’t know how to resolve the inner battle and I am fortunate that I don’t have to do so quite yet.” I also wrote that I benefit from “benevolent capitalism.” These realities contribute to the vibrating tension in my body that increases every day.

It is three days after. After what? After what I refer to as not-so-super Tuesday. Let’s give a bit more context (you know I love context).

A few friends/colleagues encouraged me to write about the simmering rage I referred to in an earlier writing. I am doing so by writing about this experience through my senses in an attempt to share the multisensory experience of deep cognition - knowing.

Deep appreciation to those who shared their thoughts with me via email or on the blog. It was humbling to receive your honest observations and reflections on yourselves and this moment. You are seen, heard, and not alone.

The notion of control and certainty is one of the hallmarks of white-dominant culture. As I move along in my 50’s, I more and more challenge and reject those norms.

Read an interview that Jara did with La Piana Consulting at the end of 2019 and learn more about her current role, what’s on her playlist, and what she thinks about her legacy.

There continues to be interest in and commitment to bringing the lived experiences and words of those most impacted into strategy, program development, research, and evaluation. Frequently referred to as “voice,” this valuing of the emotions and perceptions of people reflects a shift in the type of information traditionally relied upon to design, implement, and understand the effectiveness of those endeavors.

We reject singular solutions to this need for improved evaluation. Instead we have an invitation for your consideration rooted in three principles.